YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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