I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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