So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
