You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
