We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You are the jesus of drinking
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
