don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Drunk is a universal language darling
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
