I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
