I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
