I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
