Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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