omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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