this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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