Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
