How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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