I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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