I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
