If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
