the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
