I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
