I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
