I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Randomize
