I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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