So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER