You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.