I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.