their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.