He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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