I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
