guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
