she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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