Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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