i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
