oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
