Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
