Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
