ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
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Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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