she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
