Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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