thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
