Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I am naked and annoyed.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
