I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
