Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
