Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
