well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
