she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
