lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
