So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize