My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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