Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
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