Banned from zoo.
Again?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
