My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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