Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
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For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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