Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
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