it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
