you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Randomize
