I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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