I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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