Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
