I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
