I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think your dad took our porno
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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