At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
