Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
