Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
The Olympian is in my bed
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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