I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
