How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
