Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
