she looked like the before picture.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
