I'm eating all of the evidence.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize