my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
