i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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