PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
