Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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