she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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