I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
