found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
