my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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