that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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