Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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