i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you will always have a special place in my vag
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
