apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
