my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
