Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
