I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
